I followed the rules and kept myself out of trouble so most people thought of me as a "good" Christian.
Now, I didn't try to correct these people. I just went along with them. But deep down in my heart, I knew something wasn't quite right with their assumption.
I now know why I felt uneasy with people calling me that. It's because my relationship with God was "transactional." I would do some "good" things, or in my case this usually meant not doing the "bad" things. I did this all with the primary goal of getting what I wanted. I would then silently complain, or sometimes not so silently, if this didn't happen. In addition to this, I would get upset if people were getting what I wanted when I just "knew" they were doing far worse things than me.
Sadly, this was what I thought it meant to have a "relationship" with Jesus and what it looked like to be a Christian.
Now, I have since learned that this is so far from the truth. But at the time I wasn't looking to change. I didn't even know I needed to. And when I thought about changing, I got uncomfortable, so I avoided it like the plague. But out of nowhere, I suffered a brain injury and everything changed anyway. I can honestly say it turned my life upside down!
However, my relationship with God was eventually and dramatically changed as well. I believe the reason this hadn't happened before was because I hadn't yet fully grasped the power of the gospel. I didn't quite appreciate the magnitude of what Jesus had endured for my salvation, how undeserved I was for any of it, and how there's nothing I can do to earn God's grace and love.
I began to understand how big God was and how small I was in comparison. The more I understood this, the more I moved down the ladder of importance and God started moving up to where he should have been all along.
As me and God started changing our respective positions, I became more willing to follow Jesus wherever He led me, regardless of my level of understanding. I recognized God as the one in charge, the one in total control of my life. I am still learning to fully understand what this is supposed to look like for me, but living this way is proving to be unexplainably joyous and fulfilling.
So, yes, it is true that a brain injury turned my life upside down. But the same thing also happened to my relationship with God.
I am so grateful that when it came to me and God, upside down ended up being right side up!
